I know it has been one long time since I have updated this thing with a real update.....I don't know for sure when the last time was, but I haven't done much so it doesn't really matter. 

Anyways, Unity was AWESOME, hearing Chris Tomlin for the second time this summer was great, and of course seeing him is never a bad thing ;).....I worked all three days there along with 46 hours at the other "paying" job, needless to say by Sunday I WAS REAL TIRED! 

This summer has not been the way that I had planned or hoped for it to be.  I actually hate being at home in Muskegon, I wouldn't mind being in Muskegon if I didn't have to live at home, I have had nothing but one fighting summer with the fam, and when it is not me or one of my family members it is my parents or it is one of my parents and brothers, and it just does not stop and frankly I am getting to the point where I HATE IT!  I hate that I can't bite my tongue and just be ok with it, but I have just felt like this summer has been nothing but one where no one in my house wants to have me at home.  I just have not felt like part of the family this summer, it seems that nothing I do is right and I am always in the wrong, and my brothers are even treating me like the way that my mom does sometimes.  He thinks that he can do all and be ok with it, and I have told my mom about it and she just shrugs it off, the way that he treats me should not be that way but my parents just like to blow him off. 

He recently got his license, well that is a good thing, but at the same time he thinks that he can go wherever he wants whenever he wants and doesn't have to worry about asking to use the car, and he gets mad if he can't drive to where he needs to go, and it is not cool, he thinks that can be just whatever now, and of course that is causing him to think he is the best ever, and waht does my mom do nothing but be like ok. 

I have gone back to hating myself this summer, I hate what I let myself do to me, and how I was not the person I wanted to be this summer at all.  I need to work on getting this weight off but it is so hard and such a daily struggle that I have at some points of the summer just given up completely, I don't know what to do about it because my motivation is gone.  And I REALLY REALLY need to get it back because I have to get to where I was before I am just so mad that I came home and let my self gain back most of what I worked so hard and doing during the school year, I just have to work really relaly hard to get it back off again ASAP.  I need to have a support system something that I don't have at home, in fact I think that my mom doesn't like that I am losing weight at times, because one she lets everyone know that she is know walking everyday and watching what she eats and yadda yadda, does she ever ask if I want to go on a walk with her and I will confront her about this and the next day she asks me but nothing after that.  In fact one week I had done really good like I had lost 8 pounds when I came home and told her she goes "WHAT??" "HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU DO THAT?"  I could not believe it and it made me sort of mad.  I just don't have the support here that I need and have back in Kalamazoo.

I really need to get alot of things straighten out before school but right now I am really tired and don't have time to try and work on them.  I need to get it done and figured so that I can move back. 

Well I don't know how much of this is making any sense to you, because I am so tired writing this, b ut I will write more later hopefully. 

As I was looking through my graduation cards to try and find something else out, I found this card from someone that I had my open house, and I read it again and i really liked what it had to say so I wanted to share it wil all...I really see myself as this person on the card!

There is an inner beauty about a woman

who believes in herself,

who knows

whe is capable of anything

she puts her mind to.

There is a beauty

in the strength and determination

of a woman who follows her own path,

who isn’t thrown off by obstacles along the way.

There is a beauty

about a woman

whose confidence

comes from experience –

who knows she can fall,

pick herself up,

and go on.

Hoping you feel proud

of this day you’ve worked so hard for,

and see the beautiful woman in you

that others see

and are inspired by.

 

It has been three weeks and I can’t be at home anymore, I am seriously thinking about trying to find a place that I can rent from because living at home this summer is not something that I am going to be able to do.  All she wants me to be is the maid, and because I don’t do dishes one time from something she made all hell breaks lose.

 

She comes in today and goes “what are you doing!?” (I was in the mood for baking so I thought that I would make some cookies for the family well apparently that was wrong of me to do because then she comes over the bowl and goes “geez how many cookies do you think that you need to make.”  Then she preceeds to go “what time did you wake up today and I told her ten and she goes “ I TOLD YOUR DAD TO WAKE YOU UP AT EIGHT, because you thought that you had to go to Uncle Bob’s and stay out all night then you needed to get out of bed early.” Zach and I went to go and watch the Pistons play last night oh boy and that was not right you want to know why she was mad because she was doing dishes.

 

So we got into this afternoon back and forth back and forth and she is getting all mad because I don’t have a job when I went back to Van’s today and she thinks that now I won’t try and find something else, and I am like are you kidding me, and she thinks she knows me so well that she knows what I am doing and everything.  I can’t stand to live here at all, If I could afford to move into these http://www.watermarkcenter.com/Tours.asp

Then I would but I can’t, but I don’t know for sure how I am going to be able to live here for the summer, I am so tempted to move up north and live at grandma and grandpa’s property and find a job up there, because this is not working out for me here. 

 

She was getting ready to leave to go somewhere and she goes I am going to pay the cable bill so that you  can watch more tv and record more programs, she has gotten mad at me because I have made a little room for me to have downstairs or should I say taken over the one that they started to make but no one goes down there and watches tv ever because it is too cold.  So she is mad that I have put my tv down there and I watch tv when they go to bed down there so that I don’t keep them up, well apparently that is wrong too.  And she is mad that I am taping like season finales of shows, but she goes I am going to pay the bill so that you can watch tv….the cable bill is like 14 bucks because all we have is basic……and I don’t watch half the tv that my brother and her do but for some reason or some way I am the one who is wrong in all of this.

 

I am so mad right now I could just scream and leave, but I don’t dare I plan on cooping myself up in my bedroom all night long and not coming out for anything.

I know that it has been FOREVER since I have written in here...I have had many other things to do and going out with friends and living the last few months at school up were more important to me than writing in this...:)

I have been home for a few weeks, it is always hard trying to adjust to being at home, because I don't have the freedom that I have at school, and my mom doesn't get it and i don't get it so then we fight. But it is getting better.

Working on working...trying to find a job.

ANYONE KNOW OF ANYONE THAT IS HIRING, THAT IS DECENT PAYING AND FULL-TIME!!! PLEASE LET ME KNOW...THANKS!

In the few weeks that I have been home I have been slowly....very slowly unpacking, I have too much stuff so I have been trying to go through and throw a lot of things away and move my stuff in from home. I just need to throw things away but I have a horrible problem of thinking that I might use it sometime in the future, I am working on getting better at it.

I miss all my girls at school. I hate not having them at the end of the hall or down below me, it is so weird to go from doing EVERYTHING together to not have anyone to do anything with except your over ADD brother who is crazy, haha. 

One of the highlights of the time that I have been home was going to the Tim McGraw and Faith Hill concert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It was the best concert, we were six rows from the stage, and saw EVERYTHING  that they did, all the facial expressions.  It was the best thing ever.  I love Faith, I don't know how she had three kids, she is gorgeous, and well Tim, he is just amazingly HOT!  And such a great entertainer, the way that he had the crowd going was great, and so much fun!   I went with Hollie and Megan and they are so much fun to go to a concert with, I LOVE THOSE GIRLS.

If you want to see pics of Tim and Faith check out my facebook, If you need the link let me know, I have about 80 some pics on there!!! LOL

This summer I plan on losing more weight (I have already lost about 95 pounds...I cannot get those last five pounds off to say that I have lost 100...working on it!), about 40 pounds and to do that I need to get my butt in gear again, I need to stop eating one of these and one of those, they all add up literally.   I need to go back to my sandwich for lunch and my salad for dinner or vice versa, or salad for both.  I need to join the Y again so that I can do a ton of swimming, and I need to walk at night like I have been doing.  I would really like to go back to school 40 pounds lighter, and then lose like another 60 pounds at school to be where i want to be.  I want to be where I want to be by next august, that will be two years on Weight Watchers.

Finding love this summer would be great, but we all know that I am still not going to be attractive to anyone, and well that is a big part in something happening with someone.  I am hoping that there is someone out there that God has picked for me that is going to come into my life this summer, and that is that!!!!

I am taking an online class right now so that sort of stinks because I have homework and things to do for the next however long.  This class actually goes until like the end of July which I wasn't expecting but oh well.

Well I have a few errands to run and I need to go and find a job, I also need to figure out what I need to pack because I am going to be in NEW YORK CITY IN TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :):):):):):):):):):):):) Yes I am going to New York with the Olivet Seniors.  I have wanted to go there for I don't know how long, but I have and I can't believe that I am actually going to be going there.  I know that I am going to want to go again, because I want to experience New York, like I would love to go for like three or four days.  But the fact that i get to for one day is enough for me!!!!! :)  I seriously cannot wait and am so excited about this! :)

I am probably going to be working with the youth this summer spend some more time around them, it will be fun.  I am also going to the female chaperone for Nationals at Purdue this year.  I am really excited about this, spending a week with Chris Tomlin as "lead worshiper".  There are about 18 students thinking so I think that we will have a good time.  I have gone so many times as a student and now I am going as a chaperone, it will be really good times!!!!

Ok I think that is my life update right now I am sure that I have bored all of you to death now! :)

Call me anytime and if I am not busy we can do something!

Live Life, Have Fun, Smile Tons!

Probably one of the most inconvient times for my computer to die it does, I am so not happy about that at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah my harddrive felt the need to go bye bye!!! Everything was on there, pictures, documents, everything...everyday I try and boot it up and see if I can save anything and it doesn't really ever work for me. I am getting so mad, so now I have to go to the lab whenever I want to do any homework or typing or anything. GRRRRRRRRRRR

Ok I am done venting for now.

Life is good.
Busy but good.

I want everyone to NAME THIS TUNE! I am putting aline from 10 songs on here and you have to name what song it is, now remember i have a crazy messed up playlist, and well my songs are the best lol!!!! :)

HAVE FUN!

1. "So I said a snowball running, running down into the Spring that's comin'."

2. "Words fall like drops of rain, my lips are like clouds."

3. "Who'd imagine the sun and give source to its light."

4. "this old guitar taught me how to score."

5. "woke up early this morning, made my coffee like I always do."

6. "these old boots got alot of ground they ain't covered yet."

7. "every single I say, you know it before i speak."

8. "somewhere out there I know that your waiting for me."

9. "I got the lights turned, the door is locked, the bedroom tv is on."

10. "Now don't go wastin' my precious, get your act together we could be just fine."

11. "I will play along with the charade, that doesn't seem to be a reason to change."

12. "time after time i've done my sentence but committed no crime."

You never know where my life could be bringing me right now, by the looks of it, it might actually be looking up and by the words that are spoken. I need to be happier in my life and the things going on, but you never know. Only time will tell.

You know everything I'm afraid of
You do everything I wish I did
Everybody wants you, everybody loves you
I know I should tell you how I feel
And I wish everyone would disappear
Everytime you call me, I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to be me

Ooh, I got a crush on you (crush on you)
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush when I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you (crush on you)

You know I'm the one you can talk to
And sometimes you tell me things that I don't want to know
I just want to hold you
And you say exactly how you feel about her
And I wonder, could you ever think of me that way

Ooh, I wish I could tell somebody
But there's no one to talk to
Nobody knows I've got a crush on you
A crush on you, I got a crush
You say everything that no one says
But I feel everything you're afraid to feel
I will always want you, I will always love you

Chorus

I am in math class and I know that I should be paying attention to what we are doing but I need to sleep I am so tired and need sleep and I can't pay attention people don't know how to operate the easiest of things on the computer, it is stupid!

Anyways hope everyone is having a great day! I know that I am! Good things are happening right now!

Leave some love! Or talk to me or something lol!

I know that this sounds absolutely horrible, but I really hope that we have a horrible snow storm on the day after thanksgiving, so bad that I can't drive back to Kalamazoo to work, although if I don't show I will probably be getting fired or something, but they can't control the weather, and they can't fire me for wanting to go home and see my family over Thanksgiving! Although they probably would. One person told me that they could switch with me so that I could work the morning shift and not have to be travelling home at all times of the night but are they going to of course not, and I have told them that I am coming from Muskegon, it is not like I am living here and coming to work from Kalamazoo, I am coming from Muskegon to work for them. I am so mad at them right now. not the person but target as a whole they make me real mad, real quick! I really hope and pray that I don't have to be there next semester it would be the best thing ever!

IT SNOWED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS TIME OF THE YEAR :)

I have one downside/dislike to it snowing and being so cold is that I have to walk all over campus and especially tomorrow I have four classes tomorrow and they are here and there and everything, but I don't care I get to see wonderful white stuff fall down from the sky and I love it so much!!!!! :) For right now snow makes me happy, and it does until after the new year, because with snow means christmas time and christmas music (which I have been playing for a while now) and the new year, snow means the holidays and I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!!!!

 

AHHH I AM ESTATIC! :)

Ok so I am taking a study break that I shouldn't really be taking but I am anyways...

So I really do think that I am going to fail my spanish test tomorrow...although if you think positive then you will do positive right, right?

Anyways so life is busy, definitely not busy with target, but I don't really care I pretty much hate them right now, and i mean hate them, but that is a story that I don't need to get into right now.

I am living life and enjoying it very very much!

I can't wait for Christmas Break, it is by far the best time of the year!!! :)

I need to figure out how many credits that I am taking next semester the minimum is 16 and the max is 21 so we will see about that one....I am going to try and take some of these clases in the summer so that I am not stuck here forever lol!!!!!

Ok well this was really a pointless entry and I need to get studying on this spanish!

Grace and Peace

Ok so my presentation went better than I thought that it would and I was flipping out too much, but it is done and over with and that is all that matters.

i hate target so much, I hate them with a passion and I really really don't want to work there anymore at all...I am real real real close to being done. i have to go and talk to the guy asap because this cannot be going on anymore.

I need to go and look for a new job too!

I need clean my room it is horribly messy right now and it still stinks!!!!!! BAD! but not from me! It will be gone soon I am not putting up with it anymore.

I could just keep complaining but what is the fun of that. I am going to go down to carry out and see if cute carry out boy is there haha! PLUS I AM STARVING!

Ok so tonight was more than I had bargained for, for sure!!!!

Hollie called me after her staff meeting to come and watch Amazing Race, we have to catch up on some episodes!!!!! So I went down there and I ran into Jon (who is way cute) on the way there asking if hollie was home because he had to iron a shirt, well I went there and her door was locked which it never is, so I was like um ok, and I looked to Jon and I was like well I swear that she just called me to come down. Well she opens the door and people yell surprise, she had put together some of the staff memebers...like Meghann, MoNae', Kara, Sarah, and Andrew and they were all singing Happy Birthday and everything it was so awesome! Then I came in and I got hugs from everyone, and then Andrew gave me a dove rose...It was one of the sweetest things! Then hollie got me a great great card! And a bag that I wanted from Meijer, and a sweet purse I love it so much!!!! she also got me this great magnet which was so funn it was sequins (SP) that said BFF on it, it was great! Then she bought Giant Weight Watchers Ice Cream Sandwich things, and dang they were so good!!!!! :) It was one of the best things for sure!

Afterwards we decided to go out and celebrate my birthday!!!! And we had a blast doing that...we hung out and then we played shuffleboard...which was fun, then we went to the dance floor and well frankly everyone knows that I don't like to dance, but I did anyways and I was the only one that had someone come and dance with me, and might I say that he was way cute too!!!!! :) It was so much fun I loved every minute of it!!!!! We just got back and now I am heading to bed becauseI have alot of stuff to do tonight!!!! :)

Peace out!

So I think that my roommate has something growing in her room or something, it smells like puke in her and actually I woke up this morning from the smell of it or something!!!! GRRR that is so sick! Anyways hopefully it will be gone or taken care or something when I get back from class!

*edit* 5pm Either the smell is coming from her room or it is something from the hall because I smelt it coming to my room, it is probably because our cleaning people don't do their job, and they need to get it fixed right now!

I have decided that I don't update this thing enough, but I am too busy to sit down and just write in this lol...there are some people who update too much and there are some that don't at all.

Anyways.

I have been doing good! School has been crazy.

Work has been crazy but I am making money and enjoying it, for the most part. People just make me really mad when I do things for them at work but don't return the favor ever, anyways!

I am loving being in the same building as my cousin that has been totally awesome! We have been having a great year so far, and it can only get way better!

MY HAIR IS GETTING SO LONG!

Ok so I admit I may have a crush right now lol. I just found out that he is not in the relationship that I thought that he was. But I don't know. He is taller, well at least taller than me lol. And well you know you never know...lol...ask me more details and I might be able to give them out! haha

I am getting healthy and doing awesome with all that of that I am doing to get that way. It is improving everyday and that is what matters, swimming and salads are really helping me out!

Well Desperate Housewives is about to come on and i have to get down to my cousin's for it, leave me a comment or im me or something, would love to talk and anyone who knows that, knows that about me!

my roommate just goes whats a three digit code on a debit card?? I said you asked me this already and she goes well there is a four and a three digit one and i dont' know what one to use

I am going insane...today has been horrible. Well not the worst but towards the end it got horrible. It started out with my waking up at 715 to be to work at 730...twenty minutes from my home. So yeah, was late for work. I walk into work and the weekend people did nothing once again, which doesn't surprise me they do nothing. I find out this girl who isn't even supposed to be working where she is...has freakin' 30 hrs. more than this other lady who deserves them and for sure more then my 4.5!!!! so we go on with work, all the LOD's are in bad moods because mike is harping on them about payroll, and cutting hours and yadda yadda yadda. There is only one LOD right now that will tell us the straight up honest truth. so I had to leave my co-worker slammed and not being able to get much done for her because we had to catch up from the weekend, so I felt bad but I didn't want to get in trouble for eating payroll. So I come go to class and get my math test back, and what I thought I had done on my test was not even close to what I got but a ton worse. So I am like great, I have to go and talk to her about that one. So then I go to spanish, and I am not understanding anything that is being said to me or what we are doing. So the whole time I am thinking that I am failure at spanish. I get my composition back and it redeems that fact for me, it was so bad that she was standing by me and didn't give it to me until after she had handed all the others out! So that is awesome. I come home from there wanting to cry so bad! So I come and check my email and my group partner for one of my two back to back presentations tomorrwow, emails me some last minute stuff and reminds me that I have to do to journal abstracts!!!! AHHHH great! So I am like screw this I am going swimming and releasing some of this stress. As I was trying to get out of my parking spot there was some chick who felt the need to park in a unparking spot well she pretty much had me backed in and it took me a good five minutes to get out, after some careful manuevering and some tiny back up/pull forward moves I got out, but i was ticked about that one too. Well I did that and swam 1000 yards! So that felt good. I went to get some dinner and of course there was nothing good and none of it tasted that well either. So I come back from dinner trying to print my journal articles for my abstracts and my printer won't work so I say screw that and go to hall council. Well I go and then come back and it still won't work so I hike myself over to the BC (bernhard center) computer lab, use their lab for all my printing homework whatever, I stopped by the desk and talked to hollie and am now going to bed!

It's a great day to be me! :)

When I get through tomorrow it will be an answer to prayer!

So I have a very close and dear friend who is thinking of going into the military, what do you all think about it???? Opinions would be great!!! :)

p.s. this is not one of those the "friend" is not actually talking about me...I AM NOT THINKING OF THE MILITARY, it really is a legit question!